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November 1, 2005

Theory Makes Me Feel All Naughty...

So there I was, minding my own business reading a few academic blogs, and what do I see but Scrivener with yet another of those silly web quizzes.

Only this one was different. This one was about theory. Postmodern theory. Ooh. I got chills all over.

Prepare yourself for What Kind of Postmodernist Are You?

theory slut

You are a Theory Slut. The true elite of the postmodernists, you collect avant-garde Indonesian hiphop compilations and eat journal articles for breakfast. You positively live for theory. It really doesn't matter what kind, as long as the words are big and the paragraph breaks few and far between.

Now, the best thing about "What Kind of Postmodernist Are You?" isn't the random-unto-the-point-of-meaninglessness pseudo-diagnostic quiz heuristic.* Nah. The best thing about this quiz is the questions. While engaging with the Mighty PoMo Oracle, you are treated to such dilemmas as:

Let's just pretend for a minute there's a single force ordering everything in the universe. What would it be?
  • the desire of the self to become the other
  • the desire of the object for itself
  • the desire of Madonna for a new image
  • I don't know, these kinds of questions are silly
  • God
  • either chaos or enlightenment, but my bet is on both
  • the opposite of whatever you say it is... for the purposes of this conversation
  • the fact that you asked this question proves you operate entirely within a bubble of race and class privilege

I am only disappointed that "I am deconstructing this quiz while I am taking it" wasn't an answer to any of the questions. Fun stuff.


* Of the five times I have taken the quiz so far (yes, we already know that I am obsessive-compulsive, get over it), providing different answers each time, I have been labelled a Theory Slut once, a Gender Nazi three freaking times, and a Deconstructionist Weirdo once.** For your edification and enjoyment, here are those typologies:

You are a Gender Nazi. Your boundary-crossing lifestyle inspires awe in your friends and colleagues. Or maybe they're just scared you will kick their asses for using gender-specific language. Either way, the wife-beater helps.
You are a Deconstructionist Weirdo. Although ostensibly originating with Derrida, the theories of your particular school have long since passed beyond intellegibillity; half the time you don't even understand what you're saying anymore. That's okay, though. You're a lot more fun to party with than a bunch of stodgy new historicists.

** Obviously, the arbitrariness of the test results is a post-ironic satire on the bourgeois expectation for meaning and stability. Genius. Obviously.

Posted by reparent at November 1, 2005 1:30 PM

Comments

The answer "the desire of the self to become the other" sends a tingle down my spine. It kinda reaks of that lunatic Levinas...

Posted by: Interface Dominatrix at November 1, 2005 7:48 PM

::ahem:: *reeks.

Posted by: Interface Dominatrix at November 1, 2005 7:48 PM

I wonder how Judith Halberstam feels about her photo being used for the Gender Nazi category. Seems a tad bit homophobic and mean spirited to me. But maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Posted by: camicao at November 1, 2005 11:58 PM

I was troubled by the fact that all of the images I saw from the site were of women. (Except for the "You're no Postmodernist!" response, which shows a square, presumably heterosexual couple.)

And I suspect that "reading too much into it" is one of the essential features of Postmodernity.

Posted by: Richard [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 3, 2005 12:53 PM

actually, the grassroots activist person is a male as well (that was the one I got, Charlie got the tortured artist who was a male just sitting there). The answers were funny to think about though and we enjoyed it.

Posted by: jmj at November 4, 2005 10:15 AM

yeah, the tortured conceptual artist (which i got) is a male. here's the blurb:

You are a Tortured Conceptual Artist. Your fellow postmodernists call you an anachronism, but you've never cared much about the opinions of others. After all, most of them are far too simple-minded to appreciate the nuances of your work. They talk, while you are part of a lived tradition.


that's what i get for claiming that politics are ineffectual and that i read dante for pleasure...

Posted by: lhpj at November 7, 2005 1:12 PM

Hey, I like reading Dante, too!

But politics is not essentially ineffectual, it is only contingently ineffectual. In other words, it's not the game that sucks, it's the players.

Posted by: Richard [TypeKey Profile Page] at November 7, 2005 5:04 PM

well, it's certainly the players. but, i think it's also the game. which is not to say that the game is necessarily ineffectual, just that this particular one is.

Posted by: lhpj at November 8, 2005 8:47 AM